I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

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Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Arx Monolith posted:

So by simply landing on a planet in the network (or 'logging in' to fit your analogy) I am part of the Network, or to change the word, IN the Network? The Network is more of a PLACE than a thing, then?

Sort of. It's just the communication links between the involved planets via which we share data and tech. I am not a person from the network, I'm just a person from a planet which is networked.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:37

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

edwordz posted:

No trade, huh? And no government too? Wow... Who knew that even aliens can be western liberal cliches...

I'm going to ask a question for once. Imagine that you are suddenly transported to the peak of human civilisation. What do you hope it will be like?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:38

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

Is the technology that allows you to 'diguise' yourself as other species compatible with humans? Or would a human have to make do with being totally incompatible with your planet?

Nope, with a bit of extra information to calibrate the whole thing with, I could make you into a melrin.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:39

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Psychotron posted:

So, as far as things like novels and movies, do you have these? Are there 'actors' or well known authors? Do you have specific works of art that you, as a culture or species, consider to be better than most? For example, do you have an equivalent of our planet's Mona Lisa?

You can basically lump all that stuff under the term 'fiction'. Yes, we have fiction, and we keep it on our networked databanks. Some people like to watch it for recreation, but they are a small percentage. If there are people well-known in the fiction world, I do not know them.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:41

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Crows Turn Off posted:

I don't know if you answered this question yet, but someone asked it before - what is your favorite Earth animal? Do any compare with the animals from your planet?

I have a fondness for birds, since they remind me of home. We have a lot of flying creatures, though none with feathers. We have quadruped animals such as the kenex, which is a small fourlegged animal the size of a small cat, though different in appearance and behaviour.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:44

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

And one last question on this subject: how does the 'diguise' work? Are you actually a human currently? If someone were to cut a piece off you and analyze it, would it come up as "human" or "what the fuck is this thing"?

I could make my body accurate to that of a human's, but I made a couple of modifications to the cooling system because your planet is too damn hot.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:45

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

cult_hero posted:

I have a question, and I apologize if this is relating to your history and beating a dead horse. you note that there is little conflict on your planet, nothing we would recognize as government, and yet every social interaction seems to be based on being considerate. that said, how does your society regulate activities that might impose risks or dangers on unwilling parties? for example, say one individual wishes to construct some type of matter-antimatter reactor (or equally volitile energy system) and in doing so accidentally destroys a city block. how would your people react to intervene prior to disaster?

continuing the question, if humanity were to discover superlight speed travel prior to abandoning war, would the network intervene?

That wouldn't happen. Whoever was doing it would find an empty planet to do it on.

No.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:46

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

edwordz posted:

Closer to the sun? Really? And then how to the capacitors transfer the energy to the planet? And what form of energy is used in the transfer process? Sure, even now, here, on Earth, we talk about placing photovoltaic cells nearer to the source, but then the problem is how to transfer that energy to the grid. I think "our" systems are probably better than yours - because we incorporate a array of sources into our energy grid.

We have a way of doing it that you don't. We can travel across huge parts of the galaxy - is it really so incredible that we can direct beams of energy at a planet?

I would like to know the answer to the question I posed for you, and I would like to know why your questions are phrased so offensively.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:48

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Idiodyssey posted:

Would your planet be able to protect itself against a devastating cosmic event like a gamma ray burst that would normally sterilize all life on a planet?

Is it possible to visit other galaxies?

Probably not. It hasn't happened yet.

Yes, but we haven't really done that yet. There is plenty to explore in our own first. Some people might have gone out there, but I know of no reports.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:50

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Defnoops posted:

12 pages and no one has picked up on this yet?

"Orbitin' ya"

Orbiting you.

Talk about gullible :p

It would be closer to orbit-nee-ah if you were to corrupt it like that, but it's entirely coincidental. I am not, nor have I ever been, orbiting ya.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:51

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Holy Calamity! posted:

Mr. Boone, do you enjoy Howard Stern?

I was about to ask about radio personalties you prefer, since in your opinion they would most likely all be huge asses you would rather not listen to, but then I realized that you're in the UK and radio isn't that big over there

Hm, questions, questions...

Do you have Frisbees on Ulath?

I have been to America. I did not listen to Howard Stern, nor much radio. I find your radio guys to be a little brash and I'd rather have the silence.

No frisbees.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:53

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

.haze posted:

Okay in specifics how cold is your planet exactly? Because you're in a temperate climate in the middle of spring, which can be warm - Though not hot by earth standards - but if you went to more arctic climates say Northern Canada, Iceland, Northern Norway, Nothern Sweden, Northern Finland, Alaska, Siberia - I think you'd be able to adjust much better to the weather and some of those regions are English speaking(Canada, Alaska) aswell or you'd be able to get by speaking English very easily in a lot of them(Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland)

'Twenty below' is about what I'm used to, but all of the population centres are in warmer climes. I've already altered the diguise, there is no problem to solve.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:54

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Banano posted:

Is there anywhere on the planet you wouldn't be able to visit? Does your 'disguise' act as physical protection and does it have limitations that would be exceeded by earth environments such as desert or deep ocean? Would you be able to gain access to places that were not environmentally threatening yet very difficult to visit like restricted military areas?

There are environmental threats (I can drown), but I would probably be able to slip into restricted military areas easily enough.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:56

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Digeridude posted:

The following questions pertain to your natural, non-disguised state.

1. By your perceptions, at which point do the following shapes stop looking like a face?

2. How many fingers do you have on each hand (again, in your natural state)?

3. Pick up a tiny object, like a pin or a piece of string. Which fingers did you use?

4. What does rotten meat smell like?

5. Are you capable of shouting or screaming?

1. It stops at 5. Starts at 3.

2. Three.

3. Can't test it now, but I could use two, or all three.

4. No idea.

5. I can speak very loudly. I cannot make a short, sharp scream like a human could.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:59

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Malnourished posted:

Can you recreate a version of your species in Spore's Creature Creator? (No rush on this, but it would be interesting)

What do you think about the achievements of artists on our planet? Are we considered to be a creative species by your standards?

Do you have any experience with Ted Talks? (ted.com) Are there any particular articles on that site that are either A. amusing to you based on how out there the ideas presented are, or B. very forward thinking and surprisingly in line with your planets knowledge or understanding of the subject?

I had not thought of that. I'll give it a shot when I can.

I consider you warlike and sex-obsessed. That makes you 'creative' by your own standards, which are the only ones by which you can be judged.

Haven't seen it, will check it out.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:06

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

Okay, you said to ask questions again if you missed them (if I missed your answer, I apologise):

How much diversity in pigmentation is there in your species? You mentioned being largely homogeneous(that is, only one 'race' to speak of), but in humans even members of the same racial group can have wildly differing hair and eye colours. Is it the same with your species?

Also, what colour are your skin and eyes?

Skin colour is generally a variation on greyish-brown. There is no changing eye colour under normal circumstances, our eyes are light grey with three or four darker spots in the middle.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:09

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Emmitt Nervend posted:

Do you consider our sex obsession a bad thing? If so, why? It feels great, it's loads of fun, and creates excellent inter-personal relations. How could that be bad?

Your definition of 'great' differs from mine. Sex is fun, but on my planet it comes without the dramatic changes in relationships that happen between humans. We remain friends before and after having sex, there is no 'next level'.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:12

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Sally Slug posted:

I hope you don't mind me reasking this as you skipped over it.

What would happen to you if your craft was identified as alien in nature by humans (I recognize the unlikelihood of this, but what would the personal ramifications be for you if it were destroyed or if you were responsible for "outing" yourself to a species that wasn't "ready"?). What would happen if it were destroyed, would you be stuck here or would you be rescued after you failed to return home when expected?

And if you will allow me a further line of questioning: what does a family unit look like on your world? You mentioned that your people don't usually have children, but when you do, do you have concepts like monogamy or parents? When are your children thought of as adults and when do they leave home? What is the strangest domestic situation you have heard of on other worlds?

Oh, and thanks, I am enjoying this thread a lot.

I would be stuck here. You won't find it, though

I would not be personally affected by it, but I'd probably hide out for a while until the whole thing blew over.

Monogamy is a concept, but it is generated by behaviour, rather than having it as a social rule. Parents may look after a child until [competently-speaking age] (between 4 and 5 years), after that the child becomes a full-grown melrin and will generally go off and find his own things to do.

On other worlds, the concept of the one family living as a social group is used, and I find this particularly unusual as it forces you to be socially active with people you might otherwise not choose as friends.

Mr. Boone fucked around with this message at Apr 18, 2009 around 12:35

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:18

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Ogmios posted:

I invite you to come visit me in the United States. I would be very pleased to converse with you and show you how are lives are like. Let me know if you are able to come and visit. I am in Colorado and live in a house with my girlfriend and could provide with many books.

Colorado is not currently on my travel plans, but if I do come, I'll let you know.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:19

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

TheRiffie posted:

What is your advice on fixing things like the rapid spread of STDs, particular things like HIV and AIDs that are such big problems in poorer countries? What is needed most? Teaching abstinence or better sex education or something else entirely? What do you think about things like religious nutjobs teaching not to use protection or birth control when having sex and doing things like sabotaging condoms? These must all seem like pretty bizarre problems to you, but they are pretty clearly causing a lot of trouble around the world. As an outsider, what would you say seems like a good way to solve these things?

A cure.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:19

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Digeridude posted:

Which fingers would you use to pick the small object up right now, in your disguise?

Thumb and forefinger or thumb and first two fingers.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:20

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

TheRiffie posted:

Mr Boone!!

Given that apparently humans are perhaps the most warlike race you're aware of (or way up there in the rankings) and have created countless horrifying weapons, have committed atrocities such as concentration camps, the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and now the looming threat of nuclear weaponry, do you find it amusing that we are so afraid of alien life? We have fiction such as War of the Worlds and Independence day and many people talk about the possibility of alien life invading earth and murdering us all etc etc.

Is it actually the other way around? Are some alien races actually afraid that humanity may advance in space travel related technology before we evolve beyond our warlike tendencies? I know you say that they aren't really interested in us, but if I was an alien and I knew there was such an advanced warlike race out there, I think I'd be pretty worried.

It is a source of ironic humour, yes. Nobody is coming to get you; sleep sound.

We are, but not specifically with humanity. It hasn't happened yet, so I can only surmise that it generally doesn't happen. You're not that advanced yet.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:22

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Digeridude posted:

Humanoid.
Androgynous.
No nose or ears.
Three fingers.
Grayish skin.
Three or four spots in your eyes.
Peaceful and without war.

Are you Frank from The Maw?

I don't look anything like that. Head is far too big and segments from the body in a way that mine doesn't. Skin is darker, eyes far smaller... completely different. I'll do that Spore thing soon (couple of days, gimme) and show you my best approximation.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:24

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Holy Calamity! posted:

Hypothetical- you're walking down the street, and for some reason the police mistake you for a murderer who was in the area and you somehow ended up in jail (Legal system fails you, it has happened to others before)

Would people eventually discover you are an alien? You'd be stripped of your possessions and forced to eat what they feed you. You wouldn't be able to perform any upkeep that is required for your disguise.

What would you do? You'd be a ticking bomb of a first encounter.

I would be able to escape arrest easily enough. I am not interested in your legal system.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:25

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

toehorse posted:

Human civilization at its zenith has

1. no percieved lack of resources for any individual, the perception is as important as the actual availability

2. completely overcome the irrationalities of religion

3. has freely avialable secular education available to all its children

4. eliminated poverty and starvation

5. has stabilized global population growth

Were you asking this to see if our ideal is more war-like?

No. But when I say that my civilisation is basically as you have described, I am called out on having 'liberal views' in an insulting manner. If the above is what you want, why is it so silly for someone else to have developed that way? Why don't you think you can have it?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:27

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Holy Calamity! posted:

You're walking down the street, several men grab you. How would you escape that without exposing yourself?

If I were to expose myself, would anybody believe them?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:28

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

piemanmoo posted:

You yourself admit to not know everything about humans. Therefore, how can you be so sure that a small sect of Humanity has not been developing technology in secret which you are not aware of?

If this was true, there may even be humans with technology either equal to or superior than your own. What would you and your species most likely do in repsonse to this discovery? Increase your planetary defenses?

When you surprise us with an invasion, we'll find out. I'll be waiting!

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:29

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Zinc Teeth posted:

I'm guessing this is where the eugenics came in. I'm guessing you bred/killed/brainwashed your way down to a milquetoast society of apathetic, passionless, passive people. Your typical day before coming here was waking up, talking to some guy, eating and sleeping. Great.

Peace should never be the end-all, be-all goal. Progress, sure. Prosperity, sure. Shared wealth and happiness and kindness, absolutely. But peace for it's own sake is passivity, which is dangerous and stagnant. The vacuum of space is peaceful. Silence is peaceful. I'll take Beethoven's Fifth over it any day.

I really don't like your culture. I'll take Earth with it's pain and misery and struggle and passion and love and exaltation and pride and glory over... what? Peace?

Since the last time you had anyone your society can remember as exceptional, what advances have you made? Did you abolish war, and with it, every other meaningful pursuit?

There is no greater goal to me than doing what I want to do. If that is passionless, then so be it. I am passionless. But I am also happy. I spend my life doing as I please. I think perhaps the meaning behind the words escapes you. I do what i want, and what I like. I want to be here, exploring your planet. I like to travel to new places. Some people spend their whole lives having constant sex on Ulath. They like doing that! Is that passion? If I have to choose between doing the things that I like doing, and having 'passion', whatever that means, then you may keep passion.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:33

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Thunderstump posted:

What souvenirs will you be taking back?

A lot of food. Strong-flavoured stuff.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:34

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

dumb_n00b posted:

How many everyday accidents that kill humans would affect you? Like, being shot probably wouldn't do anything, but a car crash? A plane crash? Drowning? Can your human disguise regenerate?

Being shot in the head would kill me. I am effectively human and thus vulnerable.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:35

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

piemanmoo posted:

On an unrelated note to my last question, what are the weak points of your species? The softer skin parts near the joints?

The stomach and face.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:36

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

toehorse posted:

Nor can we concieve of political system in which it would be possible to unite the world to accomplish these goals. We have a grand history of good intentions ruined by the self interest of leaders and those who control resources.

Then do not put your resources under someone else's control.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:38

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Cardinal Ximenez posted:

Could you tell us more about yourself compared to other members of your species?

Can you be more specific?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:39

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Zinc Teeth posted:

HOW the hell is it, since everyone on your planet does as they like, that there are no people who would really really really like to be in charge.

Even if anyone did want to be 'in charge', which they don't, no other person will take orders from them. If they attempt to take over by force, another melrin would likely kill them in self-defense.

Barehanded Brother posted:

Fine, I'll bite. I want to know what your take on the Critique of Pure Reason is.

I know you probably haven't read it, but the Wikipedia page does it sufficient justice for my purposes. I have two very general questions about it:

1. Do you understand what Kant is saying?

2. Do you think he's right? Specifically, about two things - the division of the functions of the thinking mind into intuition, understanding, and reason, and the fact that pure reason necessarily comes into conflict with itself. Feel free to respond to anything, though.

I'm interested because he makes the claim that any rational, autonomous being thinks this way, and that humans are simply a subset of that.

I have no idea about any of that stuff. I have never studied human philosophy, nor any philosophy.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:42

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Bahamutsrage posted:

What's your favorite color?

Orange.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:43

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

Think of melrin social groups as flocks or herds, rather than packs.

We are pack animals. We have leaders. We basically need leaders because that's how we evolved. We might get over it, but the instinct will always be there.

As far as I can gather, melrins do not have that drive. They gather in flocks or herds, with no particular hierarchy, rather than in packs with strictly defined alphas, betas and such.

(If I have this completely wrong, I apologise, but that's what I'm getting from this.)

It's as funny to me to think of a 'flock' of melrin as it might be for you to think of a herd of humans. We are individuals, we make friends and interact when it suits us, and then go somewhere else, perhaps alone, perhaps with another friend, perhaps to meet another friend.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:47

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

toehorse posted:

Authority in human society is important for stability. Without authority bad things start happening in human societies.

Without some "leviathian" to regulate us or at least stand watch over laws and personal freedoms, what is to stop one person from taking what they want from another? (not all people on earth believe in live and let live).

They don't want to harm another person, so they don't. if they want something, they ask for it, or get it elsewhere.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:48

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Darkside543 posted:

Where is the worst place you've been since you've been here? and what is the worst thing you've seen so far?

The worst? Probably London last year. It was very hot and I got shouted at by a lot of angry men. The worst is probably you guys killing each oher all the time for no good reason.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:50

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Venom128 posted:

While waiting for more of your enlightning replies Mr Boone, I made a quick scetch.

This will be my first time being laughed at by an alien yay!

Interesting take on it. We don't have long necks, though, and our faces are more protruding.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:51

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

I didn't mean it like that. I'm just thinking that you evolved from animals that gather into looser social groups, like birds, than rigid ones like humans and other apes do.

Maybe so, but it would be a lie to say that melrins were not warlike at one point in our history.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 16:52

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