I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

Pages (10): « First ... ‹ Prev 3 4 5 6 78 9 10 Next ›

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Hi everyone! Have had a great night and morning, thank you for asking!

Had a breakfast of bran flakes with sultanas soaked in milk. I'm starting to appreciate your milder foods along with the stronger flavours, there's something very pleasant about the smoothness of it all. My heart still belongs to spiciness, though.

I'm just checking in for twenty or so minutes between the day's events to let you know how I'm doing and to ask one or two questions:

I'm finding the difference between emailed conversation and forum-based conversation quite interesting. I'd be interested to hear if you guys could suggest the best ways of conversing over the internet, since there are a bunch and I have no idea where to start. Bear in mind that I'm going to want to be able to talk with more than one person at the same time, individually or in groups, so some forms of communication will not be applicable.

Secondly, I read one of the books that you guys mentioned - The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, which I found surreal but interesting. I'd be interested in hearing about other science fiction novels dealing with humanity's view of possible alien cultures - might help me answer your questions in better context for you.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 07:34

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Alright, I guess I'll look into the Ender series - will report back. Right now, I'm off out for a while - there are a couple of interesting questions from the last half hour which I'll answer when I get back. There's one I can answer right now, though:

hambeet posted:

I have a question if you didn't mind. Through conversing and answering questions on a relatively public internet forum, have your perceptions on humanity changed for the better or worse?

Worse.

Later, folks.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 08:31

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Holy Calamity! posted:

Mr. Boone, have you picked up on 'sarcasm' during your travels?

c0balt posted:

I'll say it once more, you condescending, anal probing, cow mutilating, extraterrestrial douchebag, we'll be coming for your planet soon enough. I've never even met you, and already I hate your species with a burning passion. Here's hoping that future humans who march on your soil take turns raping your females in their "waste holes".

Yes.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 12:56

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

TS posted:

Would you upload a report about Earth to the network and encourage other peoples to come to Earth, do we simply come across as savages? Can you tell us a bit greater detail about stage 4 and 5 of development on your own planet?

The report I put on the databanks will be personal and not scientific, and it will not recommend that other individuals come here. It will contain points of interest and the implication that if someone is interested in exploring a point further, they can come down and have a look themselves. This implication is not something I'll have to outright state, it's just a concept that is embedded in all reports - if you want to know more, the data is out there.

I can and will tell you more about stages 4 and 5 when I give a melrin history report, but I am having difficulty motivating myself to write long articles due to reasons including wanting to do other things, and still answering questions (by email and forum).

I realise now that 'answering any and all questions' was more lofty a goal than originally thought, but I think I had a good go at it in the early stages of the thread. I did check back to see which long-answer questions I've missed, but most of them have been answered among the shorter answers I've posted, with the one glaring omission of melrin history, which I will try to do tomorrow.

For those of you who wanted to know what I look like, I've asked a friend for a copy of Spore and am waiting for it to arrive by mail, so next two days, probably.

I also like how some of you seem to be answering questions for me now. I hope that reflects well on the information I've given you!

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:07

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

c0balt posted:

That wasn't sarcasm. Obviously you haven't learned a thing. That, my scaly little sideshow freak, is what we call a warning of things to come. You and your network have no business being in this galaxy. You're making our part of the universe one big fucking target for hostile takeover. It's the equivalent of replacing government with hippies and hoping everything will be fine. You're the biggest disappointment this galaxy has seen.

Eventually something out there is going to take notice of you and study just how lazy and non-warlike you've become. I don't care if you or someone else can manufacture weapons. You'll never even see the attack coming, and then we're all screwed as a result of an advanced species such as yourself not bothering to be prepared for a possible invasion from other galaxies.

You make me sick. You've squandered your chances of survival in exchange for a "do it if it feels good" way of life. You deserve to be conquered. If you had any fucking sense at all, you'd provide humans with all of your technologies and allow us to build up and defend this galaxy since you and your worthless network butt buddies are obviously too preoccupied with drum circles and wife swapping to give a damn about making this galaxy a secure place to reside.

You will please excuse me if I am not particularly scared by the speculations of a single member of species which gets very very excited when it discovers that other planets in it's solar system has molecules containing hydrogen and oxygen.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:12

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Noobicide posted:

Mr Boone, could you please give a short overview of what some others network species are like? Culture, biology, basically anything you have time to describe would be nice. Thank you awesome spaceman.

The nearest planet to Ulath in the network is home to a race of people known (and this is transliterated from their language, to mine, to yours, so please excuse the horrible corruption) as 'ra-el', which I suggest you pronounce as 'rayels' due to the lack of a more suitable transition in English between the a and the e.

They're tan-coloured creatures of between one and two feet high and three and four feet in diameter, with two thick, sturdy legs supporting their high weight. Their arms aren't as nimble as yours or mine, but their hands are constructed of seven fingers which can be moved about much more freely where they join to the hand, making them very dextrous.

Culture's the same as any Stage VI.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:22

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

They read and write 3-Dimensional at an early age. Our language is nothing but birdsong to him.

Two-dimensional, it's all flat, just different shades. It STEMS from three-dimensional carvings, but has been adapted from that to our easier system.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:23

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

The Reverand Me posted:

Mr. Boone, are you aware of any other species which has technology even more advanced than your own or does everyone reach your level & then "plateau"?

I am sure that in the universe there is much more advanced stuff than ours. The plateau I referred to is that of social structure, and while there will be different advanced structures somewhere out there, we've never met any, and I find it difficult to conceive of one more satisfying than Stage VI. We will see.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:26

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Claverjoe posted:

This is actually pretty good. Is there is a question that you would have for us that hasn't been implied by the answers you have already given us.

Yes, but not for now. I'm still answering questions - maybe later tonight.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:29

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

ExplodingSquid posted:

So do you still carve to write down info or also have computer type systems there where you can type?

Computer systems. Our equivalent of a keyboard is what you might call a touchpad. Originally it was a set of a few hundred square, unlabelled keys which you stroked in a particular direction across to define a line, using an input device in your other hand to switch between [depths].

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:32

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Dan Didio posted:

How susceptible are your alien motherships to the common computer virus?

Completely incompatible with yours - there is no common ground between the way programs are processed.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:33

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Dan Didio posted:

Okay. When you come to our planet and hunt us for sport would it be feasible to for us to rub cold mud all over our bodies in order to confuse your heatvision masks?

Yes, but we would simply switch our weapons to seek out moving bits of mud.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:36

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

stphrz posted:

Does your planet have bread? If so what kinds are made? Are there members of your race that have a passion for making it and dedicate their lives to it?

Not like you guys do. We don't have pulses, nor do I know of any suitable equivalent of yeast. [Cooking] is something that some people choose to dedicate time to, though, so yes, if we had bread, there would probably be people who make bread for fun.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:43

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Postmonstrous posted:

Hey, you said earlier that you had replied to all emails - I haven't received a response

I had replied to all emails then. I haven't since, and I have had a lot more emails. I'll probably get to you eventually, although I realise that my promises to answer lots of things aren't holding up all that well.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:44

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Mogador posted:

Do you ever get really really angry, i mean completely pissed about something. Maybe something that outside your grasp, or something that is not, but you just... fail? Or something.

Yup. Got a little angry with someone earlier in the thread - look for the posts with lots of exclamation marks. I try not to show it in communication, though.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:45

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

curiouslystrong posted:

With your spoken language, if you attempted to speak in it, are there various sounds (like [yi]) that you wouldn't be able to reproduce in your human disguise? Or would you maybe be able to produce them, but we wouldn't be able to distinguish them as unique because our ears aren't programmed to? (I know that certain sounds found in, for example, Hindi, aren’t found in English, and because of the way language comprehension develops English speakers can’t really distinguish these sounds from the closest phoneme that appears in English. I'm probably not articulating that exactly correctly, but I'm pretty sure it's something like that. Anyway, I was wondering if that might be the case if we were to hear your language spoken.)

As far as the eradication of religion coinciding with great social progress and basically universal happiness (or contentedness, perhaps): though I'm non-religious myself, I'm interested in your take on studies that show a relation between religion and happiness - that is, studies that show that religious/spiritual people tend to live happier, more fulfilling, and less stressful lives, which have been widely publicized here. Maybe certain aspects associated with religion (such as volunteer activities or looking at things from a relatively unselfish perspective) are associated with happiness and it's merely that in a more advanced society religion as a motivator is no longer necessary? Of course some religious groups don't necessarily associate themselves with these sorts of things, but from my own personal experience it seems that many/most do. At any rate, what do you think about the notion of religion and happiness being related (one that is seemingly contradictory to your apparent reality of no religion, happy people)? Bunk, relevant to Earth at this time, something else?

Also, I'm wondering what you think of some parts of Earth that seem to be a lot farther along on the track toward secularism, neutralism/non-combativeness, etc. than others. For example, if all of Earth were organized more like, say, Sweden, would we be considered to be past Stage III? At least closer to moving out of Stage III? Or am I just being blindly over-liberal (in human political terms)?

God I feel wordy, sorry

Yes.

Yes, those people are happy, and if religion were a source of constant happiness then civilisations would evolve differently. As it is, I'm happy now and I don't have to live under religious rules. I like that better.

I have no real knowledge of the social structure of Sweden, but I like secularism and non-combativeness, so I think yes, Sweden might be closer to the latter stages than (left as an exercise for the reader).

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:50

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

Mr.Boone. Does your species or any other that you know of posses what we would consider God-like powers without any technological devices?

No.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:51

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Dan Didio posted:

Have you ever experienced a species with any naturally occuring strange abilities?

Such as, oh, I don't know, levitating school bikes?

Nothing that you might consider 'supernatural'. I'm afraid I'm a bit confused at the second part of your post.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:54

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Alright, I'm out for a while. Any questions can be directed to my email, boonefromulath@gmail.com - you might even get a reply!

# ¿ Apr 18, 2009 13:59

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Hey guys, how's it going?

Popping in for a short while while I'm here cooking lunch, and I'll probably post a couple of emails I had last night as well, since some of them struck me as humorous.

Diogines posted:

Sorry for so many questions, but I read almost the entire thread, and I kept thinking of more. I am happy to wait for them to be answered.

1. Tell us about the evolution of ethics and religion on your planet. You said your species does not believe in god, did it ever? Are there any minority sects who do? If your planet ever thought of a divine being, how did this beliefe end? Do you have a concept of a soul? Is the mind nothing more than an electrical flow across the brain? I find it very difficult to think that NO other species you have encountered can believe in a divine being, some of our greatest minds are open to the idea-the fact they are great minds is not proof of any divine being, my point simply being that I find it impossible to think that of all the societies in the universe, none of them had cultural ties to religion so strong that religion survived the rise of science.

3. Can you provide any interesting historical information about biblical figures or events which we are unaware of?

4. You do not want to interfere with our development. Can you give us a mathematical proof of some sort which is truly originally, mind boggling, but novel and with no practical applications of any sort, or which could interfere with our development?

5. Do gravitons exist? Does the higgs boson?

6. Does your species, or any species of comprable technological development actually use a space elevator?

7. You said your species may live anywhere from six hundred to thousands of years. Based on what you have said, your technology sounds sufficient for some form of immortality out of own science fiction, that lifespan seems a little short, why so short?

8. Would you tell us about some of the more fantastical ideas from our own science fiction, which have ever been actually been achieved by a species? Things such as dyson spheres, wormholes, ringworlds, things of that sort.

9. How much use does your species make of nanotechnology?

10. Would you tell us about the most important figure from the history of your species?

11. What is the population of the most heavily occupied planet you are aware of?

12. How can you possibly think solar energy is a better source than zero-point energy, or fusion? Our planet is 70% seawater, we have all the heavy water we could need for a hundred thousand years, if we can develop feasible fusion, we are set as a civilization.

13. How old is the oldest space bound species?

1. I've already covered most of this - yes, my people used to have gods. All Stage III planets I know of have them. As scientific knowledge improved, the need for a God became smaller and smaller and eventually just vanished. The concept is simply no longer introduced to people.

2. All equally unnecessary, some more outlandish than others. I really don't have the inclination to study your religions, they would provide me with no interesting information. I get as far as "you continue to kill each other on religious basis" and then the whole subject is a bit of a buzzkill.

3. Nope. I know no more than you do on the subject.

4. Nope, for reasons I've explained a few times, now.

5. Yes, although not in the sense which you mean (particles of gravity), and I don't know about the Higgs boson. I'd have to study the whole idea and compare it with the databanks to give an answer.

6. Not any more. Several planets did, a long time ago, but now there is no practical purpose for them.

7. A thousand years is not short. It's actually quite the opposite of short. It's very, very long.

8. No dyson spheres (we could if we really wanted to, but we've got no need). Wormholes are a natural formation of which there are none anywhere near this galaxy, no ringworlds (although I have to say that's a really fun idea).

9. I'll take it you mean nanotech in the sense of tiny little robots, although to describe them that way would not be particularly apt. Entirely up to the individual melrin. I use as little as I can, most melrins use none or only use it to fix singular problems, some melrins are absolutely laced with the stuff.

10. The most important figure, in my opinion, would be ahnn-ix, who, as previously mentioned, led the way to developing the communications that helped us contact a network planet.

11. Roughly 21 billion.

12. Zero point energy is not a feasible energy solution for various reasons, and nuclear fusion would require far more maintenance and upkeep. Solar energy is there, it's not being used, why let it go to waste?

13. I don't know exactly, but it would be in the range of a million years (not that they would have been spacebound from the start of that).

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:37

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

Are any stars in the Network visible from Earth? If so, what are there locations in our version of the constellations? (Specific stars is what I'm asking.)

I would need knowledge of your astronomy and a means of comparing it with ours to do that.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:41

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

TokyoQuits posted:

Do your people have any mental illnesses?

No. What you might define as mental illness is simply an alternate way that a being can wish to view things.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:43

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Dan Didio posted:

What if an 'alternate way of looking at things' involved harming ones self or others? What would happen then?

Self? Nothing. Others I have already discussed. They would be repelled or perhaps killed in self-defense.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:49

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

Maybe something interesting you may want to try doing aside from the Spore Creature creator is downloading Google Earth and using the Sky function which displays a good portion of the galaxy. You can even type the coordinates to a specific point of the sky. Hopefully that may help you.

I will see what I can do sometime today or tomorrow, no promises.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:50

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Maldoror posted:

You didn't answer my previous question, so I'll try asking again.

If your "disguise" is a complete human body with your consciousness inside of it, was this body created by your technology, or are you "borrowing" an actual human's body? If you are "borrowing" one, did you ask his permission first?

Created. Hence my earlier remark about "getting it quite right".

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:51

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Loskene posted:

What was the overall reaction of your society when you were first contacted by another sentient species?

Without first-hand experience, I can only go by what I've read. General information gives the impression that it was a time of fear and not everybody wanted to make contact with a species that might be hostile. Some people pushed ahead and did it anyway, and there was a lot of happiness after we discovered that their society was so similar to where we were trying to head.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:55

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

I'm sure everyone else as well as myself would like to answer YOUR questions although it seems you don't seem to be very interested...

I am, but as I've said, I'm planning on leaving it for when I'm not getting anything out of answering your questions.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 07:57

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

I show you some emails! Y'all wanna be coming back, but y'aint coming back.

quote:

Dear Mr. Boone,

Well, the universe, as humans commonly perceive it, is a fraction of the whole of existence. I am from another part of the fraction. Not a planet, but more of an annex in space. Entities such as myself communicate using concepts rather than words, so in our own "language" it does not actually have a name.

Eh?

quote:

Dear Mr. Boone,

I'll keep this concise because I'm guessing you're tired of these
letters. I'd like to tag along with you on your travels because it's
something I would enjoy doing. I have no goals besides exploring for
the sake of it.

I wouldn't be an inconvenient person to travel with because I have a
very easy-going disposition, and not just for a human. I don't feel
very strongly about things but I'm not tediously cynical about my
passiveness. I've always lived for my own amusement as much as I
practically can. I also guarantee you won't have to deal with awkward
situations caused by human emotions. For example, I won't sexually
assault any species because I'm yearning for human females or
whatever. I'm not guided by the highly emotional "sex and war"
mindset, as you put it. I promise. I have a fairly solid control over
my own brain, which I know is the traditionally problematic part of
humans (often called "the heart" in human culture).

In our travels I would behave as if I were the last human remaining
and completely passive to the death of the species after mine. What
I'm trying to say is that there won't be any social gaffes with me
begging for AIDS medication. Any knowledge of what I see would die out
with me.

So, may I come along? I can prepare fairly decent human food. It
wouldn't be very authentic to have a non-human prepare human food
anyway, so you kind of need me if you're going to be using the
ingredients you're taking back to their full effect. I'm also a highly
trained operator of human automobiles should you ever want to build
one and need a tester.

Best regards,
XXX XXXXXXX

I enjoyed that one so much I had to reply.

quote:

Dear XXX XXXXXXX,

I am still not planning to take anyone with me when I return to Ulath. I appreciate your interest, however if you really wish to convince someone to take you back to their planet, I must suggest that you do not list one of your qualities as 'being unlikely to rape someone'.

Best regards,
Mr. Boone.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:03

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Maldoror posted:

Sorry if I seem bothersome about this, I'm just very curious...

Does this mean your Merlin body is still inside of your ship? If so, what would happen if your Merlin body was destroyed while you were inside the human body?

It's there, but not stored in a sense that you'd be able to find it. If it got destroyed I'd have to generate another one, and it would probably look a bit different.

And it's 'melrin', hamun.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:04

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Cuddlebottom posted:

How do Melrins complete large projects that require cooperation? (Such as construction) Are they done entirely by people who enjoy such things, or do people volunteer out of kindness?

Little of column A, little of column B. If you want some help with something, you ask on the databank. Nearby beings who would enjoy helping will come at the time you describe.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:06

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

Is it safe to conclude that religion is the single-most dangerous thing in our civilization at the moment? It seems it has spawned endless wars since we can remember. Will our evolution move right along the day we abandon religion?

The single most dangerous thing on your civilisation is your weaponry.

Master_Jay posted:

I know you're not planning on taking anyone back with you but can you do us a favor? Can you ask your database and see if someone on there would enjoy taking back a primitive species when you get back?

Sure, I'll mention that a bunch of you want to come back.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:15

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

StoreManager posted:

Since you can't take anyone back with you, can you choose someone to experience a short ride on your ship? If so, can I since I asked first?

Eh, I don't know. I wouldn't trust any of you guys not to try and record the event somehow. Plus, I can't think of many humans who would be amenable to having their brains copied and the originals destroyed, which is necessary for the travel.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:19

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Loskene posted:

Are you just saying that to make us lose interest?

Yes, but it's true.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:24

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Maldoror posted:

You can just "generate" new bodies? Can't you stay alive forever by doing that? Once you reach say 400 years old, why not just regenerate a 50 year old melrin body for yourself?

You can and generally do, but your physical body is not the only thing that ages.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:24

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Alright, up and at 'em. Check in with you fellas later, shoot me emails if you want.

Verdict on Thai green curry - unrewarding.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2009 08:26

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Alright, back after a huge while.

I attended a chilli party last night. I don't know if that's a common thing, but if you can imagine a party based around eating chilli then that's basically what it was. It was amazing. I had to use pepper sauce to get it hot enough but honestly, spicy food alone made this whole trip worth it.

Then this morning, I was taken to a Costa Coffee and introduced to the Caramel Latte, which was fantastic. Seriously, the reason you guys can't come back with me is that the ship is going to be full to the seams with spicy food, Marmite, and coffee beans (which taste amazing on their own, too).

# ¿ Apr 20, 2009 16:21

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Man, two of you guys jumped in before I even posted after opening the thread.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2009 16:21

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

STOP MAKING SENSE posted:

Mr. Boone: What are you going to want to do when you go home? I know "whatever you want" but do you have any certain plans after you leave Earth? Are there other planets like ours that you have planend on exploring in plain sight of it people?

It really does boil down to 'whatever I want'. I have no plans for my next trip. I might even come back here. I'm completely undecided.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2009 16:22

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Mystery Steve posted:

In your language do you have words and accents for male and female pronounciation and written word?

Yes, but not as regionalised as you guys are. Male and females speak completely differently, in a similar manner to you guys, but accents tend to mix and mutate a lot thanks to the mixing of social groups.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2009 16:24

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

marshmallard posted:

Hey Mr. Boone.

Just one question from me. You mentioned the technology you used to acquire English - does it incorporate mistakes? What I mean is, does it make you speak like a real person, maybe by collecting the way lots of people speak?

If you mean what I think you mean, then yes.

# ¿ Apr 20, 2009 16:24

Advertise here! | Browse all ads

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

Pages (10): « First ... ‹ Prev 3 4 5 6 78 9 10 Next ›