I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

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Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Buce posted:

I don't understand where all this leisure time and technological advancement springs from if you're not under the wing of some artificial hyper intelligence or collection thereof. How has what we naively call "artificial" intelligence fared elsewhere in the network?

Same as on Ulath. What you have to understand is that people in the network planets do things because it interests them, not because they really need to. I am able to come here because someone else thought it would be interesting to research and develop a method of travelling to other planets and back.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:16

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Dabby posted:

You mentioned you're in disguise as a human male. Have any human females been attracted to you during your stay here on Earth? If so, how did you handle the situation? Or are you one of those weird-looking but passable aliens pretending to be human like from the movie Men in Black?

Not that I know of, but I am completely unfamiliar with how humans display that they're interested in somebody. I look lik a normal human and am in no place to judge whether I look good or bad.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:18

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

grayrobot posted:

Wait a minute - I want more detail about how the melrins feel about this one.

What is there to feel? It just means that you should spend your life as it is doing what you want to do.

grayrobot posted:

Wait a minute - I want more detail about how the melrins feel about this one.

Here's my thought process:
1. Through development of science, Melrins must of made discoveries.
2. They must be still making discoveries.
3. How can they rule out the possibility of a conscious afterlife?

After thousands of years, no evidence exists for any form of 'life after death'. We're pretty sure.

grayrobot posted:

Death
1. If Melrins live so long and your population is so low, do you celebrate death in any way, positively or negatively?
2. Do you somehow miss those who have passed?
3. Have your people managed to find a way to harvest electricity or other energies from those who's bodies have died and continue to enjoy their company once they are [dead]?

Computers
1. Are your computers using binary math?
2. Are your people using biomechanical machines, like humans use machines? If so, how do you prevent data loss due to the entropy of tissues?

Advice:
Travel to Iceland. You will understand once you are there.

1. No. When people die, we might miss them, but there is no real funeral equivalent, nor is there a significant grieving process.
2. See above.
3. No, we have nothing like that. It is unlikely to be something anybody would be interested in.

1. Yes.
2. You'll have to define biomechanical machines more fully.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:23

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

BurningUpJukeBox posted:

2 Questions.

With what speed do you read books and written language? How long would it take you to read a 500 page book?

How advanced is the basic knowledge of your planet? Meaning, to us, advanced concepts involve higher math, chemistry, physics, etc; the most excelled people in these areas are normally considered "geniuses". Are these the kinds of things a Melrin child would learn much earlier than a Human child, or is the learning curve and ability to "soak" up knowledge the same?

I don't know, I haven't timed it, nor do I know how fast you guys read. It takes several hours at least.

The concept doesn't apply - education on my planet is not an institution. You learn what you want when you want. I am 58 and it is unusual for someone my age to be particularly learned. Most of us develop an interest in sciences and mathematics mid-way through our lives.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:27

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Bahamutsrage posted:

Two simple questions, brah

1. What should us humans in our current situation, focus on with what we we've got? Love? Peace?

2. What are blackholes for? You can be vague as you want on this one since we aren't too smart to figure it out.

1. Peace, I guess.

2. For? They're not for anything. They're an artifact of physical law.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:28

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

spikenigma posted:

if you are happy to answer then answer, or ask me to cut down my questions to a manageable amount for you

I did. Maybe three questions in a post would be fine? Just be considerate.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:28

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

Telepathy: Possible? I'd imagine not, but you never know. After all, we've invented technology to read pictures out of human brains, so I'm sure there's some species with a technological telepathy analogue...

It's possible, but no beings have been discovered with it, and humans don't have the capacity for it. You could develop a technological version rather easily, but I've never encountered one.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:30

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Aristobulus posted:

I want to add on to this, too, that while I asked a lot of questions, I do not expect you to answer all of them. If you answered just a few, it'd be fine.

there's a big hole of questions I haven't answered in the past couple of pages, so sorry if I missed yours. I'm trying to go back and answer things, but I seem to be stuck answering new questions at this point.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:32

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Zinc Teeth posted:

You said you're fairly similar to us in terms of biology. Having limbs and sensory organs similar to ours, a digestive track, etc.

What's the most alien intelligent species you know of? Do most stick with the same basic body template, or is there more diversity? Is consciousness similar in all intelligent species, or are there telepathic species, hive-mind species, etc.?

Every species we've had contact with have been individual minds. As for biology, most species seem to evolve a very similar way - carbon-based, single-cell organisms which evolve into similar beings. The reason we all have stomachs and eyes and mouths is because that is the best configuration for a being. The most intelligent species in my opinion is part of the network, but transliterating names is a time-consuming exercise for me and would serve you no real purpose.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:35

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

The Butcher posted:

Is the SETI project a waste of time?

Yep.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:35

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Zinc Teeth posted:

Your Network has never, in its entire history, had to deal with a hostile species? For that matter, how long has the Network been in place and how has it changed over time? Is it more or less just a means of "keeping in touch" with each other or does it have any governing functions? What qualifies a species to join the Network and who makes that decision? Is there trade between planets and is that regulated?

Never. Why would anyone try to invade it?

It's been in place for about half a million years, if you consider it's "birth" as the first contact between two planets in it. Since then, species have joined, and a couple have all but died out. The current number is in the twenties, I wanna say 26 but I'm sure I'm forgetting some. There is no trade between planets because there is no trade, and no government.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:38

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Arkanomen posted:

close the thread until you get caught up, then reopen with a big post.

I will likely do that before I sleep.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:39

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

BeefThief posted:

Were there any major disasters of technology during the course of your civilization's development? I.e. major wars involving large-scale deployment of nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons?

Have you or anyone you know visited other developing species which have later gone on to annihilate themselves? If so, what was the likely underlying cause?

One last thing: how important is evolution as a concept to computing technology?

Thanks for a great thread!

We managed to evade the 'WMD' scenario pretty well - we built them but never used them as history records.

Oh, absolutely. Most civilisations wipe out around the time they build really, really effective weapons.

Don't know, I'm not a computer expert and most of the computers we use are designed very specifically. Any experiments of that nature are ancient history for us.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:42

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Heerst posted:

Hello Mr. Boone,

I have two questions for you:

1. Do you know of any major galactic events in your species' history?

2. What is the significance to (galactic events in) the year 2012?

What's a 'galactic event'?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:42

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Chintzy posted:

Will human scientists find what they are looking for with the Large Hadron Collider?

Is there something that humans could do to themselves that would justify a visit from the interplanetary federation you talked about? If we started nuking the hell out each other would you guys do anything about it?

The whole point of science is to find out for yourself.

No. I don't think you guys quite understand the concept - we just trade information and technology, there's no huge federation, no alliance of planets. We're just a group of planets who want to make our lives more fun by working together.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:45

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Aristobulus posted:

An event that affects an entire galaxy, or a large portion of a galaxy, etc.

If there was you'd know about it.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:46

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Zinc Teeth posted:

Ah, you read that wrong or I phrased it weird. I asked what the most alien intelligent species is, not what the most intelligent alien species is. If most of us have the same general configuration, who doesn't and what are they like?

Sorry, bud. There's no way. If you have technology you must have infrastructure. Who maintains it?

You mean, who are the most alien aliens? We're all fairly distinct, there's no one species which is weirder than the others. You have hair only on the top of your heads and around your chins, which is unusual. We have hard backs. One species has the skeleton on the outside and can consciously move it's own organs around, allowing it to change body shape at will.

Anybody who wants to. Some people like keeping the network running and manufacturing technology. They do it.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:50

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

international owl day posted:

Mr. Boone,

There are things on this planet which we cannot explain, Temples of stone cut by diamond, 17,000 years before diamond tipped tools were developed, Monoliths of impossible star based accuracy, mountains removed for element samples with no trace of any elements left behind, and ancient artifacts and drawings of technologies that were far beyond the means of any civilization at the time.

If it was not your race that visited us 5,000 to 20,000 years ago, would there be record of another race having visited in that time period?

No. Whatever happened back then was almost definitely you guys.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:51

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

EastCoastAcura posted:

Are mental disorders common in your race, or have you weeded out individuals like that through your equivalent of genetic modification?

A mental disorder is just a difference in desire. Since you can do what you desire on network planets, 'mental disorders' do not pose a problem.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:53

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Digeridude posted:

Given that there is no trade, if a planet in your networks NEEDED resources (in a hypothetical situation wherein they really messed up) would you give it to them?

If you needed something they have, which they would hypothetically have plenty of, would you consider making an exchange?

We would give it to them if we had it to spare, or tell them where to get their own, for no cost. They would do the same for us.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:54

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Aristobulus posted:

So then, what if some extremely hostile and aggressive - but single/hive minded - race did evolve space travel and attacked one of your planets or one of the planets in the Network?

Yes, I know, "why would they do this?" - for hypotheticals, let's say it's some extremely advanced insect race, and the hive mind kept them from blowing themselves up. They are invading just because they want your land, or your resources, or just because they feel like it.

What happens? Again, doesn't have to be you these hyper advanced insect creatures are invading, but just some planet in the Network.

We would probably develop a defense in case they invaded us, but your hypothetical is extremely unlikely. There's no plan for it.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:55

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

dumb_n00b posted:

Would you be able to "disguise" yourself as that last species?

Yes.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:56

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Emmitt Nervend posted:

But surely no one like cleaning toilets, but someone has to. Who gets that job?

Whoever needs it done.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:57

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Aristobulus posted:

Well, what I'm more trying to ask, is IF such a thing happened, would the rest - or any - of the Network band together to help the planet being invaded, or would they just let it happen and leave the planet to defend themselves?

Yes, I know it's unlikely, but I'm asking hypothetically. I'm just trying to understand the Network, really, not your personal defense system - obviously you would personally defend yourselves if you had to.

Yes, they would, if we asked.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 14:58

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Venom128 posted:

?? If you guys dont want me to post anything in this thread just say so and I will continue lurking.

and to not derail, How possible would an galactic internet be?

Currently there is latency of days, weeks and months between some planets, so not particularly possible.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:00

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

spikenigma posted:

sorry, is ONE technical specific question (even if it's not mine) going to be answered?

Which one? I already explained that I'm not answering questions which would impart new technology or scientific knowledge. You guys have to learn to fly on your own.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:01

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Emmitt Nervend posted:

So then, you don't have public toilets? No one really NEEDS those cleaned. If I were in a public place, and the bathroom was really gross, I would just wait and find another one. In that situation, no one cleans that toilet and it just keeps getting nastier and nastier. Basically, it seems to me like all your public toilets would be absolutely disgusting.

We do have them, and they are usually cleaned by the people who last used them, out of consideration.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:02

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Pooboo posted:

^ still curious about those two, also here's another:

Have you always let the host species of whatever planet you're on ask you questions like this? If so were there any memorable ones you'd like to share?

I've had a little play around with your videogame consoles. They're fun, but I find myself bored after a short while.

No, this is the first planet where I've put questions to a large audience.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:03

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Arkanomen posted:

as an '04 you should know that SA is not the place to make light of your self-diagnosed

Mr. Boone, will you be telling your fellow people to visit earth?

No.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:04

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

spikenigma posted:

any one, any single one can be answered in a way that doesn't give any details away

my own for example...

Repost them, then! I haven't gone back to the pages with your posts on for a while/ Ask a question and if I can answer it now, I will.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:05

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

TommyFilth posted:

I love the idea that at the height of cultural and technological evolution, one of the end results is a species which is kind, respectful and considerate of one another.

It is difficult for me to imagine any other way to live. I have to watch it first-hand, and even now I don't understand it.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:07

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Emmitt Nervend posted:

So every time you poop, you have (or at least, should) scrub the toilet? What a pain! Do the bathrooms have the cleaning supplies stocked in there for you, or do you have to bring your own everywhere just in case. If they are stocked, who stocks them? Why would someone want to pay money to stock cleaning supplies in a bathroom that isn't theirs?

And of course, this raises the question: what does your poop look like?

We use the water from the irrigation system to clean the toilets - no need for cleaning supplies under normal circumstances. If they are needed, there will be some stocked in the building. If not, you'd go and get some from wherever you could.

Our excrement is mostly thick liquid with undigested matter still in it. It varies in colour and consistency depending on your diet.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:09

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

spikenigma posted:

computing
- how big are your hard drives?
- do you use quantum/optical computers?

your society
- who are the greatest people in your present society and it's past, and why are they great?

In your terms, they are up in the billions and trillions of terabytes, though this kind of space is not needed for most uses. You would use a small [drive] to store small files, like documents or 2D video.

No. As I understand it, ours are binary processors running in parallel. They work very differently to yours, but I do not know the actual details of how the data is processed.

In present society there are none. In past society, 'great people' are scientists and war heroes. There is ahnn-ix, who discovered the original laws of physics that developed into the communication systems with which we first contacted another planet, or ku-[yi]rk-ah, who is recorded as a hero although now looked upon as a genocidal [bastard].

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:18

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Digeridude posted:

How did you learn to pilot a spacecraft? How big is it? What material is the outside made from (metal, etc)? What shape is it?

You don't need to pilot it, it's all done by computer. I found your planet in network data banks, put the information into a computer which spat out the astronomical data needed to get here, put it into he vehicle. The vehicle checks the data against two planets' versions of the same data, and if it all fits, you get in and press go. The ship is made of non-metallic elements constructed at an atomic level for strength. Harder than diamond. It's whatever shape you want - mine's about the shape of a coffin, and about as big as a truck. Some are not much bigger than whoever's in them.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:23

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

edwordz posted:

Really? Solar? How did your "people" get around the limitation that in order to achieve the same amount of power output provided by ONE nuclear power plant you'd need to build FIFTY SQUARE MILES of solar paneling? And what do you do during off-peak solar times? This is an absurdity.

Be honest: are you really an alien, or just a liberal PRETENDING to be an alien because your liberal ideas only make sense in a fantasy-world? Either way, you should probably leave Earth.

(NOTE: I don't think you know what "wisdom" or "knowledge" or "compassion" or "consideration" actually mean.)

By reducing our energy requirements and building our solar collectors closer to the sun. Our systems are nothing like yours.

I don't think you know what "wisdom" or "knowledge" or "compassion" or "consideration" actually mean, either.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:25

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Firequirks posted:

Someone mentioned serial killers. Some humans have mental disorders that cause them to do things that harm or kill others. How do you reconcile this as "just a difference in desire, go ahead and hurt/kill whatever you like"?

Rarely if ever are there people on a network planet whos desires are simply to kill others. That is something that earlier civilisations have that disappears later on. If they did occur, and they do, they would either be killed out of self-defense, or allowed to feed their urges using simulated creatures.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:28

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Arx Monolith posted:

An actual question now, before I go to work:

Let's say I personally built a space craft. Let us assume it works like yours (almost) and I can safely pilot it. If I were to somehow come across the Network you speak of, could I become a member or.. would I be representing the whole of Earth? I'd very much like to be a part of the Network, going from planet to planet, helping and learning and avoiding humans.

The question, I guess, is simply put: How does one join the Network? As a sepices or can individuals join as well?

Awesome thread by the way. Not many could do this.

The network is not an organisation, it's just a network. How do you join the Internet?

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:29

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

grayrobot posted:

What if what you want to do is to feel such things?
Who judges a good use of time, if that's what one wants to do?

It's interesting to me that you have overcome war with such arrogance.
Keep looking.

When you say people here, are you referring to human people or Melrins?
Humans would make this easier for me to understand, but otherwise your comment leads me to believe that your culture is primarily solitary and tremendously self-absorbed. Is this correct?

What I mean is, are your computers/calculators/navigational systems organic in nature, and still living, or were they entirely fabricated from synthetic parts like human computers are?

Nobody, it's just that that's how things are.

People do. If they find anything, you'll be the first one I call.

Melrins. And we are fairly social creatures, it's just that we do not miss the dead. There are always more people to talk to.

Synthetic parts. It would be considered somewhat cruel if you were to fabricate something living just to serve your needs. Synthetic works perfectly for us.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:33

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

international owl day posted:

More like a set of Ideals than a place or a thing.

Again, not really. It's just a method of developing more quickly, it's not an ideology.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:35

Mr. Boone: Apr 16, 2009

Yuki Akuma posted:

If someone were to find your craft and somehow work out how to get it to go home (and then, after he gets there, send it back so you're not stranded), how would he be treated? Would he be tolerated or sent home with your craft?

Has anything like that ever happened before?

It hasn't happened on Ulath, I don't know about other networked planets, but I doubt it. He would be tolerated, if he could tolerate us.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2009 15:36

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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > I am an alien, and I would like to talk to you about it.

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